Dating A Black Feminist in 2017

By Paul Barnes

“Men are liars.” “Men are trash.” “I hate men.” These are the types of quotes I see daily on various timelines on my social media. They do not apply to me personally but, the issue is they apply to SO many men that we have become generalized by said quotes. Adding the word “some” or even “most” would make these quotes accurate...sad, but still accurate. And, we can not ignore the fact that these posts usually aren’t just referring to men in general but specifically BLACK men. You know it’s true. Now as you read this, you may be reflecting on the multiple black men who have wronged you over years of your life and I am honestly sorry you had to go through that. But as Jesse Jackson used to say “Keep hope alive!” We are all not “bad” or “trash” but just a little misguided. I am going to show you why from my own on going experience in dating a black feminist in 2017.

Me and my girl have been together since February 14,2016. (Yes, I picked that date on purpose). When she first told me she was a feminist I could help but think of all the stereotypes I had seen and read about them. Not to mention a segment I saw on sketch comedy show where the spokeswoman for the feminist group encouraged her audience to “twist and pull” a certain part of the male anatomy when said man was “oppressing” them. I jokingly asked her “So...do you hate me?” This was a very foolish mistake. She explained that feminism is not about the hatred of men but rather, the empowerment of strength within a woman. Here’s a prime example: First of all, I’d like to say my Mom raised me right. Holding doors, carrying things, “yes ma’am” “no ma’am”, all of that. So naturally, I do those things for all women, especially my one and only. I can recall when we first started dating, I would always make it a point to carry her plate for her when we finished dinner. Then one time she says “I can do it myself.” This statement perplexed me. Of course, I knew she could do it herself but I wanted to do it for her simply because I was there. The same thing happened when it came to opening doors except she wouldn't even wait for me to get to the door! (Although, according to her I walk too slow in general). Or, she’d go through a different door AFTER I opened the other one for her. This bothered me for a awhile. However, she gave me an explanation. She said “What do you think I do when you’re not here?” I remained quiet. We are on campus after all and have no classes together so I literally never see her during that time. She went on to explain that getting these things on her own is a habit. She says she does appreciate it but, at the same time, it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Whoever gets to the door first gets the door. If  she only has one plate, she can get it herself. But, sometimes she still gives it to me. 

Another wonderful thing about dating a black feminist is the knowledge she gives me and her viewpoint/approach to the entertainment world. She keeps me pretty updated on the happenings on the world of female empowerment - mainly things that occur in the Mentions of Twitter and her take on them. Or, she tells me about how various women are overcoming the restraints of society and becoming successful on their own. Without her, I would have no knowledge of these things and I appreciate learning about them. Dating her is truly a multifaceted experience and any time we run into a rough patch, we always talk it out - even if that means waiting for her to finish being mad at me before we talk it out. She has taught me so much and continues to teach me and help me grow on a daily basis.

This article was written by a guest contributor Paul Barnes. Stay tuned for his upcoming blog and follow him on his social medias,

IG: @wxxrd.exe

Twitter:@_linguistic_one

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